I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
