Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
