Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
