Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
