ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
