Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
