in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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