My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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