It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize