I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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