When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
