just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
