Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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