i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
