Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
