did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
