Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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