All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
