So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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