He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
