Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
