Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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