i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
