My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
