I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
