I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
