she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
