life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
