woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
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