the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
