So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
