oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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