A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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