walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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