Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
