I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
