at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
