My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
