the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
