my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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