And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
