Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
