I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
