Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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