he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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