so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
