U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
