what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
