"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize