I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
