I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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