Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
