You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
