Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
