She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
