it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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