Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
