one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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