I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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