8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
