roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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