If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize