woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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