belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
