I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize