So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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