Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
