You're my little dorito
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
