The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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