don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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