I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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