Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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