She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
