sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
