Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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