yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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