You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
