remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
