Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
