Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
