hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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