i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
