so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize