You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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