These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
