Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
