the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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