Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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