apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
