i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
