Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
