did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
