im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
