Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Found your dick twin last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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