just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
