she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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