it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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