If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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