Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
