The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
