Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
