You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
