my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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