I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
