4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
