I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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