So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
