and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
