well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
