census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So many bounce houses so little time
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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