Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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